School
A Story about Education
The public intellectual Lyman Stone has floated the trial balloon of extending voting rights in the United States to all citizens regardless of age (rather than merely all citizens over the age of 18) under the theory that parents would vote for their children and that this would give large families more votes than unmarried individuals. While nobody other than Stone is quite sure how serious he is about this idea (it was not an April Fool’s joke), it inspired me to write this story.
At long last, Warren Calvin, an eccentric candidate for president running as an independent, sat down for an interview with one of the major networks. Journalist Claudia Riviera hosted the live interview, which she opened by telling the man, “Thank you for sitting down with us today, Mr. Calvin. I have some questions for you that the American people are just dying to know the answers to. You know, you’ve made quite the stir with your unorthodox campaign platforms.”
“Thank you, Claudia,” the 54-year-old insurance salesman said. “As you know, presidential campaigns going back for decades – from the Obama campaign to the Vietnam era – have been trying to get out the youth vote. In theory, mobilizing America’s youth could revolutionize politics as we know. And we think, well we think that we could finally do it.”
“And, by youth vote, you mean…?”
“Exactly. In particular we are looking at the under-18 demographic, a completely new and untapped vote. This will be the first election in which they are legally allowed to exercise their fundamental constitutional rights – they’ve been waiting too long in my opinion – and we are excited about the potential these youngsters could bring to American government.”
“Which is why you’ve run on what you’ve called a ‘No More School’ position. Tell me, are you, well, serious when you say, ‘no more school?’”
“Absolutely. I didn’t make ‘School’s Out’ my campaign song for nothing. My position is simple: defund all public primary and secondary education.”
“I see. When you say all…?”
He nodded and smiled. “You think I mean, ‘radically defund public education,’ or ‘drastically cut back on school funding.’ But when I say all, I mean all. We are going to get rid of all public funding for any education of any kind, as well as all unjust laws requiring children to be sent to school against their will. My slogan says it all: Summer Forever.”
Riviera was struggling to suppress a smile, but she managed to ask, “I noticed you didn’t say anything about private education.”
Calvin put a finger to his lips. “Shh,” he said. “Don’t tell the kids. Just kidding. You’re very astute. As you know, I won’t have the authority as president to infringe on parents’ rights to educate their children in other ways – whether by homeschooling or through private for-profit and nonprofit organizations. All I can do is determine that there is no public funding for such organizations or activities. It would be an egregious expansion of the nanny state to build the kind of monitoring infrastructure we would need to ensure that parents aren’t giving their children ‘homework’ in the privacy of their own homes. Or, for that matter, to aggressively go after and shut down private organizations that exist for the purpose of teaching elementary and high school.”
“So, to be clear, you would just be ending public education.”
“Essentially, yes. However, my position is more nuanced on that. I am agnostic about private school and homeschooling so long as such activities do not receive one dime of taxpayer funding. While I would encourage parents not to disenfranchise their children’s fundamental right to ignorance, I have to be realistic about what I can and cannot achieve.”
“And you think your plan to eliminate public education of any kind in all 50 states…”
“And territories!”
“…and territories is realistic?”
“Oh yes.”
“Ah. Well, one question I had is whether you had thought about the unintended consequences of such a drastic change to education in this country – beyond the learning losses, I mean.”
“Of course. I recognize full well, and in fact welcome, the immediate drop in home prices across this country as public education is no longer included in the price of a home. Given the difficulty so many young workers are having finding housing, I think many would welcome this needed correction. In fact, my campaign is banking on this change giving us enough goodwill among the 18-29 range, who might otherwise hold it against us that they were the last generation forced to attend school against their will.”
“Um, yes. Well, I suppose I was referring to unemployment. You know, there will be a large number of teachers who would lose their jobs under your proposal.”
“Sadly, yes. I imagine there will be a need to do something with the vacant school buildings, too.”
She nodded sagely. “No doubt. And have you thought about the learning losses.”
“Fully.”
“You’ve fully thought out the potential learning losses.”
“Yes. I imagine they will be far more minor than many adults would like to imagine.”
She cocked her head. “You think that children will be able to learn on their own… maybe with the help of their parents and tutors?”
He smiled. “Perhaps.”
A look of dawning comprehension passed across the journalist’s face. Calvin’s grin widened.
“I have only one final question,” she said. “What do you say to all the people who say that – whether or not children want to be educated – the United States government has a duty to equip the next generation with the training to be good citizens in a democratic-republic, and that therefore we can’t get rid of an American institution that performs that vital function?”
He leaned in and smiled more widely than ever. “That assumes we are equipping them with that training now,” he said.
“I can tell you’re going to be a popular candidate, Mr. Calvin,” Riviera responded drily.
“In a year, you’ll be calling me ‘Mr. President.’”