Private Investigation - A Serialized Novella
Chapter One: An Auspicious Start to the Year
I opened the door on New Year’s morning to see two members of the local police department standing there contriving to look happy that they were spending the eight o’clock hour on January First asking for the help of a local private eye. After all, that is why they were there. I knew it as soon as I saw them. You don’t get to be in this line of work without some ability to detect the obvious.
I was the competition, see. The guy who got hired to catch burglars. They were just the government stiffs and I was the guy who did their job for them without the badge or the qualified immunity. If I shot somebody who didn’t do anything wrong, I was going to jail. If they did, well, I don’t like to cast aspersions, but I think I know what would happen.
“Mr. Clarence,” one of the officers said. As if he didn’t know me.
“Chuck, you know you can call me Rob,” I said.
“We were hoping you wouldn’t mind coming in to the station to talk to the chief for a bit,” said his partner. “He’ll pay you whatever your rate is. For your time that is.”
“Talk to the chief about what?”
“About the bank job last Friday. Chief says he thinks he could use an outsider like you on this one.”
“Yeah, I heard about that one.”
“So, you’ll come in then? He’s down there right now.”
I was still peeved at having my doorbell rung before nine on New Year’s Day. “Boys,” I said. “I’ve got three rules about hiring me. Only three rules. I don’t work for free. I don’t work on spec – which is basically the same. And, even though I’m employed by myself and not the government, I don’t work on holidays. Have a Happy New Year.”
And I began to close the door, but Chuck stuck his foot in before I could get it shut. “The chief said to say something else,” he said.
“What’s that?”
“He said we could maybe do something about all those unpaid parking tickets.”
Ah, they knew about those. I had about half a dozen shoved in a drawer in my office.
“In that case, boys, I’ll be there in half an hour.”
And that was how I found myself in the police station at nine fifteen on New Year’s Day, talking to Chief Jervis over a cup of coffee. I couldn’t tell if the guy was pulling my leg, but there were three boxes of donuts in the lobby and a copy of the book Midnights sitting next to it. I didn’t think too many people had read that book who didn’t live on Cape Cod, but I suppose it was probably popular with coppers. Hey, I’m a big fan of Holmes and Poirot and the Continental Op, so I don’t have anything against a guy who’s partial to his profession when it comes to fiction.
“Rob,” said Chief Jervis, blatantly ignoring the law against smoking inside a government building. “You’re probably wondering why I wanted to talk to you.”
“You woke up on New Year’s Day feeling lonely?” I asked.
He stuck a finger at me and said, “Don’t push it. You know as well as I do that I didn’t want to call you here.”
“Yes,” I said. “But you know as well as I that I’m the only person who wants me here even less than you do.”
“I’m not so sure about that.”
“Nobody can love my family the way I do.”
“You don’t have a family.”
“Exactly.”
He narrowed his eyes as if he knew I was playing with him. “Anyway,” he said, “I called you here to talk about what happened…”
“I know. Your guys told me. What happened at Hell’s Cargo last Friday.”
“No. What happened last night. We got the guys as they were coming out of the bank. It’s pretty hard to get away with robbing a bank in 2022.”
“2023,” I heard myself say. I couldn’t help it.
“The bank was robbed in 2022.”
“Fair. Please go on.”
“Thank you,” he said with deadly seriousness. “What you don’t know – what my officers didn’t tell you – was that the pair that robbed the bank on last Friday escaped from prison last night.”
I took that in. The chief finished his cigarette and threw the butt in the trash, which I found myself secretly hoping would cause a fire.
“We thought it would be good to bring in some outside help for this one,” said the chief. “We don’t have any leads on whoever broke those two out. What’s your fee?”
“Usually, it’s on a sliding scale based on the difficulty of the job and the time involved,” I said. “But in this case, I think it’s safe to say that it won’t be resolved quickly and could be quite dangerous. I’ll take however much those guys took out when they first got out of the bank.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
“George,” I began, “You didn’t just decide you needed outside help. The bank wanted you to hire me and for some reason they didn’t want to go directly to me. Maybe they knew that you could roust me out on New Year’s morning with that parking ticket nonsense or maybe they just wanted to remain anonymous for now. Besides, I know your department is strapped for cash. You can’t afford me. But the bank can.”
I sat back and smiled. Chief Jervis cursed. “Fine,” he said. “The bank hired you. You’ll be working closely with our guys, though. That’s one of the conditions.”
“But I get to do things my way,” I said. “I don’t take orders from you. That’s one of my conditions.”
“Okay.”
“As long as that’s settled,” I said. “And provided there aren’t any hidden terms in my contract, I accept.”
Read Chapter Two.