Another Bar Story
This One is Less Weird
“Your problem is that you don’t work up the nerve to ask out a single woman – not even when she gives you a hint,” said Reeves as he took a sip of his gin and tonic.
“No,” said Donald as he stared morosely in the direction of one of the eight televisions in the bar, “my problem is that I am surrounded by beautiful women. Every day I see another girl and I fall madly in love with her and I know that I will be forever hopeless.”
“You’re only twenty-three,” said Reeves, who was twenty-four. “You’ve got a long life ahead of you. Forever is a long time.”
There was a pause in the conversation while Donald’s attention was momentarily captured by an advertisement for the best-selling beer brand in America. The ad was a vague compilation of American flags, factories, horses, camo gear, hunting rifles, and cowboys relaxing after a hard day’s work.
“They’re really trying to apologize, aren’t they,” said Donald.
“Whatever happened to companies, you know, just selling you stuff?” asked Reeves.
They were interrupted again, this time by an advertisement for a fried chicken sandwich. When the ad ended, the screen flowed directly into the opening sequence of an old sitcom.”
“Why do they have this going?” asked Donald. “I can’t pay attention to anything. It would be one thing if it was sports. It makes sense to have sports on at a bar. Who goes to a bar to watch old episodes of Cheers?”
“There’s some irony for you.”
“Ha. Yeah. Really, though. Sometimes you go into a restaurant and they’re playing a movie. Captain America 2 or Spider Man and the Revenge of the Sith.”
“That’s Star Wars. The Revenge of the Sith is a Star Wars movie.”
“Ok, then. Spider Man’s New Hope. Anyway, who goes to a movie to watch a bar? Sorry, I meant…”
“I know what you meant. I think some people don’t feel comfortable if there isn’t some flickering screen in the background. That’s why it’s always something people are vaguely familiar with. There’s something comforting about that.”
“But there isn’t any sound. How can anyone sit here in a loud and crowded bar and watch a movie with no sound? And how are we supposed to sit and have a conversation if I can’t pay attention because there’s a McDonut’s ad every ten minutes?”
“Ah but that’s why they choose channels that mainly play old stuff most everyone has already seen already. You don’t need the sound if it’s Star Wars, because you’ve already seen it twenty times.”
“I have never seen Star Wars.”
“Ok, but you lived under a rock for the first eighteen years of your life.”
“I have seen Cheers before.”
“Which is interesting because I bet a lot of people our age haven’t. Which also makes it an interesting choice to be playing in the bar with no sound.”
“The TV next to it is playing MTV from the ‘90s and the one next to that is showing CNN.”
“Who goes to a bar to watch the news?”